Natacha has had a lot of requests for the copy she had of quotations pulled
from the final seasons of Press Gang. I worked up one for the first season
and sent it on to her for her perusal, and she suggested I post the thing to
the PG list as a whole. So here it is, and I hope some folks find it
useful. Kevin the idiot American signs out, and turns this list over to
the much more talented writing of Steven Moffat.
PRESS GANG, SEASON ONE
> PAGE ONE
>
> Julie: You don't like it, do you?
> Lynda: See the second "t" in Gazette"?
> Julie: That's the bit you don't like?
> Lynda: No, that's the bit I do like.
> ----
> Danny: Lynda wants you to file these.
> Kenny: How, Danny? We don't have a filing system.
> Danny: That's the other thing she wants you to do.
> ----
> Spike: Do you always make friends by questionnaire?
> Lynda: I'm not making friends.
> Spike: Yeah, I can believe that.
> ----
> Spike: I have to watch all the American tv cop shows to keep up on my
> accent. Which is great until halfway through a conversation with
> somebody when I usually wind up frisking them.
> ----
> Lynda: I dug the hole. I'll do the climbing.
> ----
> Spike: I accept your apology.
> Lynda: I haven't apologized.
> Spike: It's too late, I've accepted.
>
> PHOTO FINISH
>
> Lynda: Kenny, I want your opinion on something.
> Kenny: Yes.
> Lynda: What do you mean "yes"?
> Kenny: That's usually the opinion you want.
> ----
> Spike: Is it true your swear box takes American Express?
> ----
> Lynda: I'm thinking of habits I'm wanting to kick.
> Spike: So I'm a habit already?
> Lynda: You're something I'm wanting to kick.
> ----
> Lynda: See where it says ruler? That's who it belongs to!
>
> ONE EASY LESSON
>
> Mr. Sullivan: There are times, Lynda, when I think you ought to be
> fitted with an off switch.
> ----
> Lynda: You must have been born while I was out.
> Tiddler: Well, I'm always telling Mom you don't pay any attention to
> me.
> ----
> Lynda: It wasn't my idea:
> Matt Kerr: You're editor. The only ideas you don't get credit for are
> the good ones.
>
> DEADLINE
>
> Kenny: The deputy head's wife had triplets. Could be a three part
> series.
> Lynda: The man's a born administrator. He even has kids in triplicate.
>
> ----
> Colin: It was phoning that was a mistake. It's when people see me,
> they melt.
> Danny: Yeah, they start to run.
>
> A NIGHT IN
>
> Lynda: Can I remind you of a few basic facts of life?
> Spike: Sure. I'll tell you when you get ot my favorite.
> ----
> Colin: Listen, can I have your clothes?
> Spike: What?
> Colin: I've gotta change into something. I can't miss this meeting,
> Spike. It's a big career moment for me.
> Spike: Okay, s'pose so. Hey, girls, would you mind? I'm going to have
> to strip off here.
> Lynda: We're not looking.
> Spike: I know. Would you mind?
> ----
> Spike: You're the only person I've ever met who eats dinner to win.
>
> INTERFACE
>
> Kenny: Don't you ever get sick of this place?
> Lynda: Nope!
> ----
> Sarah: That's the trouble with school; it always gets in the way of
> work.
> ----
> Spike: So why talk to me?
> Lynda: I like to know I'm the smartest one in the conversation.
>
> HOW TO MAKE A KILLING (part one)
>
> Spike: You don't happen to be jealous of a girl I've never even met, do
> you?
> Lynda: Of course I'm jealous, Spike. I wish I was the girl you've
> never even met.
> ----
> Kenny: For twelve years I've been walking behind her picking shrapnel
> out of people.
> ----
> Kenny: I just feel like a total rat.
> Billy: Everybody feels that way sometimes.
> Kenny: Really?
> Billy: Sure! A number of times I've felt you're a total rat.
>
> HOW TO MAKE A KILLING (part two)
>
> Lynda: Any word from Kenny?
> Spike: Yeah, two. The second one was "off".
> ----
> Kenny: I told you I felt like a rat for lying to Jenny, and I got the
> feeling you thought I was a rat, too.
> Billy: Whatever gave you that idea? Roll up your tail and sit down.
> ----
> Spike: She was sick. I had to let her go.
> Lynda: Did you use the thermometer?
> Spike: You didn't tell me I was allowed to do physicals.
> Lynda: Spike, I've got to have proof!
> Spike: So I'm told. Is it true you made a guy bring his tonsils home
> from the hospital?
> ----
> Lynda: Think for yourself when I tell you!
> ----
> Lynda: Do you ever think of anything besides money?.........Well?
> Colin: I'm trying to think. It was a long time ago.
> ----
> Jenny Elliot: I'm touched. No other guy ever tried to close down a
> business for me.
> Kenny: Well, if you can't put a few people out of work for a friend....
>
> ----
> Kenny: I'm really glad you decided to come in and help.
> Jenny Elliot: I'm glad you told me that's what I've decided.
>
> BOTH SIDES OF THE PAPER
>
> Lynda: Mr. Winters has a problem. He doesn't see how we can work for
> our exams and run the Gazette.
> Colin: You're going to cancel the exams?
> ----
> Kenny: Are you all right?
> Sarah. No.
> Kenny: Would you want to talk about it?
> Sarah: No.
> Kenny: Well, can I help?
> Sarah: No.
> Kenny: Do you know what word is being overused in this conversation?
> Sarah: No.
> Kenny: That's the one.
> ----
> Kenny: Lynda, do you remember asking me to tell you if you were ever
> being insensitive or too demanding?
> Lynda: No.
> Kenny: Well that's because you haven't, but you would have if you were
> less insensitive and demanding.
> ----
> Kenny: Make a sentence out of the following four words: I you told so.
>
> Lynda: Kenny---up shut.
> ----
> Mr. Winters: When I say you can go, Lynda, that's an order, not an
> opportunity.
> ----
> Lynda: Thanks, Kenny. It's always nice to know you're behind me. I
> just wish you were still in sight.
> Kenny: I'm sorry, Linda.
> Lynda: Quitting's becoming a bit of a habit for you, isn't it?
>
> MONEY, LOVE, AND BIRDSEED
>
> Lynda: You mean I should live like there's no tomorrow and be wrong
> every morning?
> Spike: No, just live like you'll live forever, then you'll only be
> wrong once.
> ----
> Kenny: Do I get to ask why?
> Lynda: There's no law against asking, but I'm considering it.
> ----
> Billy: He's not the type of guy a nice girl would bring home to meet
> mother, unless mother was a recruiting officer for a major terrorist
> organization.
> ----
> Colin: Preservation of wildlife? You mean like in a freezer?
>
> MONDAY-TUESDAY
>
> Kenny: There's an evening graphics meeting about the holiday special.
> Tuesday, 6:00.
> Julie: We've already discussed the holiday special!
> Kenny: You know how it is. We keep discussing it until everyone agrees
> with Lynda.
> Lynda: It's called getting it right.
> ----
> Kenny: Lynda, remember, it might be nice to be smart, but it's smart to
> be nice.
> Lynda: You always spoil my fun.
> ----
> Mr. Sullivan: Is this a discussion or an opportunity to agree with
> you? Or don't you recognize the distinction?
> ----
> Matt Kerr: Be careful what you say to people. It might be the last
> thing they hear.
>
> SHOULDN'T I BE TALLER?
>
> Kenny: I don't want to be editor!
> Tiddler: Kenny, let me tell you what I've got out here. I've got a
> nomination form for the editor election. I've got eight of my best
> friends waiting to see you when you come out. And I've got your
> trousers. Let's talk.
> ----
> Colin: I love the dictionary, Kenny. It's the only book with the words
> in the right order.
> ----
> Spike: Linda, you've got the dress sense of a clothesline.
> Lynda: Thank you.
> Spike: No, really. I mean, those cardigans you wear in the
> newsroom--even I wouldn't look good in those cardigans.
> Lynda: My mother knits them.
> Spike: Well, tell her something from me--your arms? They're both the
> same length.
--
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