sbaskett (sbaskett@netlink.com.au)
Fri, 08 May 1998 18:04:22 +1000
Liisa Caimano wrote:
>
> I've got a problem. Not too much of one, but a problem none the less: my roommate hates Press Gang.
You've probably had ample responses to this by now, but I'm only just
wading through my email after a busy week so what the hey, I'll respond.
Firstly, and this is fairly obvious, your roommate is clearly insane.
Few sandwiches short of a picnic. Few sausages (snags for my fellow
Aussie mailers) short of a barbecue. I don't think I'm overstating the
case here.
But how to cope with it? Short of a *unfortunate* accident with one of
Colin's teddy bears (complete with handy knife)- and frankly who needs
all that inconvenience and inevitable explanations so close to the end
of the school year - it seems to me your only choice is Stash's
Step-by-step Guide to Becoming a PG Fan.
1. *Accidentally* remove the tv aerial so your roommate can only watch
videos.
2. In a bizarre full moon ritual, burn all videos except PG ones.
However DO NOT burn her Spice Girls video. (of course she has one)
You'll need it later.
3. Pull out that Spice Girls video (told you) and literally *pull out*
the ribbons of tape from the plastic case. Cut the tape into long
rope-like lengths. (Note: Colin's bear-kife could come in handy here)
4. While she is sleeping or otherwise incapicitated (perhaps alcohol
or illict drugs will come in handy here if she's a light sleeper), tie
her to her bed using strands of Spice Girls video.
5. Position her head towards TV, wake her up by humming PG theme
full-bore into her ear, gaffer tape her mouth shut and press *play* on
VCR: PG episode one. Only about 20 hours to go! (invitation to willing
geek with time on hands to do the maths and work out exactly how many
hours)
6. It's probably best to leave the room, only returning when it's time
to change tapes. It can be disturbing to watch. (her, not the show,
fools)
7. As the final moments of TAC play out on the screen, return to
witness a wonderous new person: A PG fan.
8. Accept her undying gratitude.
9. Sign her up to the PGML, where she'll meet many PG fans *created* in
the same way.
Stash, fondly remembering her conversion to PG. Remember? Hell, the
lawsuit is still pending.
-Liisa!
> I can be me! I was me once for Halloween.
> --Police Academy, the Series
By the way, I love the signature.
--
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This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Fri Sep 18 1998 - 02:34:40 BST